Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine
by LunaDragonPoet
Summary: The New Directions and Blaine have some pretty interesting and awkward encounters through Kurt. This is a series of one shots descibing different encounters they have throughout the year. Rating will go up depending on the one shots.
1. Chapter 1

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: Chapter one: Mystery Guy

New Directions were fighting. Again.

"I just think that for the good of the team it should be me to sing the solo this time," Rachel huffed, clearly annoyed with her teammate for doubting her superior skill.

"Right," Quinn sighed, "Just like every other solo you get here," she said sarcastically.

Rachel, clearly not getting the sarcasm, threw her hands up. "Exactly!"

"Oh hell to the no Mr. Shue," Mercedes said. "I've been fighting for solo's since the beginning. It's about time I got one!"

The whole club was shouting, Santana screaming at Artie, Puck shoving Finn, everyone had something to scream at somebody.

Except for Kurt, who was currently in the corner typing madly away on his phone, a smile on his face, not even aware of the fact that he was about ten second away from mass homicide in the choir room. Suddenly he giggled, and the whole room went quiet.

They all turned to stare at him, perplexed. "Um, boo," Mercedes called. "Uh, Kurt?"

His head jerked up. "Huh?"

"That's the sixth time he's done that!" Santana stated. "First it was at lunch then in the hallway then during math!"

Mr. Shue, glad for the sudden break from fighting stood up. "Ok, now that we've got that out of the way…"

"I still haven't gotten my solo!" Rachel whined.

"Good!" the rest of the room shouted. Except for Kurt. Who was once again typing away on his phone.

"Whose Hummel even texting anyway?" Puck asked the room at large.

"Kurt?" Mr. Shue asked. "Who _are _you texting?"

It didn't really make sense. Everyone he would normally text was currently in the room, and none of them had their phones out.

Kurt bushed from the roots of his hair down to his toes. "Nobody."

"So I'm nobody now?" Came a voice.

The club turned to look at the door of the choir room where a boy stood, casually leaning against the doorway, smirking. Her hair was messed up perfectly, and by the way he dressed he was clearly loaded.

Kurt's face lit up. "Blaine!"

"Damn he's hot," Quinn whispered to Brittany. Santana pushed out her chest and threw Blaine her winning smile. And by winning, she meant her, I'm easy please screw me smile.

"Hey sexy," she purred. "You, me, breadsticks. Pick me up at seven."

Blaine laughed. "Sorry miss, but I've already got plans. Besides, you are definitely not my type, no offense."

Santana's jaw dropped. No one ever turned her down.

"Are you sure?" she asked, clearly annoyed with being turned down. "I can be anything you want, and not a lot of girls can say that."

"I'm sure," Blaine smiled, before glancing over at Kurt. "You ready?"

"Yup," Kurt said, throwing his things into his bag.

"Wait," Mercedes said, slowly putting the pieces together, smiling at Kurt. "How do you two know each other?"

"Um," Kurt stuttered, flushing again. "See, when Puck told me to go spy on the Warblers…"

"SPY!" Rachel screamed, jumping up and pointing to Blaine. "You're here to spy on us!"

"No," Blaine said, chuckling. "I'm just here for Kurt."

Quinn's eyes popped open. "Oh," she breathed, finally getting it.

"We didn't think you'd actually spy," Finn scoffed, looking at Kurt.

"Mr. Shue!" Rachel yelled. "He's another Jessie! He's-"

"Not here for that Rachel," Kurt sighed, walking over to Blaine. "The Warblers were actually very nice about my spying."

"He was absolutely adorable," Blaine laughed. "The whole group thought he was endearing," he smirked at Kurt, who blushed again.

Mr. Shue's eyebrows flew up to his hairline. _Now _he got it.

"They were very sweet about it," Kurt said. "They even bought me coffee afterwards."

"I can't believe you thought we were going to beat you up!" Blaine scoffed. "How you could even think that…I mean look at you! You're an angel!"

Tina's jaw fell open. Ok, she didn't see this coming.

"Wouldn't you rather hang out with me rather than Hummel?" Santana offered again. "I'm sure I can get you exactly what you need…" she trailed off suggestively.

"Nope," Blaine smiled. "Thanks but no thanks."

"This is uncalled for!" Rachel huffed. "He's clearly here for spying!"

"Hey!" Blaine snapped, "You sent Kurt to spy on us _while we were rehearsing_. You guys aren't even doing anything so I think it's alright for me to be here." He turned to Kurt. "Wes says the offer still stands Kurt."

Kurt sighed. "I said I'll think about it."

"Think about what!" Rachel said. "Passing on information to the enemy?"

Kurt smiled sheepishly. "No…" he trailed off, looking at Blaine.

"The warblers love Kurt," Blaine stated. "We're an accapella group and to have a countertenor would be a really big deal. Our music director offered Kurt a scholarship for Dalton if he wants it. You guys are really lucky to have him," he turned to Kurt, "Wes and David won't shut up about you."

Kurt giggled. "Neither do you if what Wes says it true."

Blaine blushed. "Well can you really blame me?"

"I still stay he's here to spy," Rachel grumbled, crossing her arms.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Blaine is not here to spy," he said. "He's here for other things," he smirked.

"Yup," Blaine smiled, wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist. "Things I can't get Dalton," he said, placing a tender kiss at the back of Kurt's ear, causing him to giggle.

The whole club's mouths fell open, staring in shock as Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist from behind and placing another open mouthed kiss on his neck. "Ready to go love? Reservations are at five."

"Ready," Kurt smiled, still giggling at his club's faces. Blaine turned to Santana, smirking. "As you can see miss, you definitely aren't my type." Kurt snorted. Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room, looking too happy for words.

"I don't believe it," Puck said. "GET SOME HUMMEL!" he called at them.

"He deserves it," Mercedes grinned, while Tina nodded.

"I guys he isn't a spy," Rachel admitted.

The rest of the club nodded, now that the initial shock was over.

"I don't understand," Santana mumbled. How did Hummel find the hottest man out there for a boyfriend?

Brittany smiled, patting her shoulder gently. "I think Blaine meant his types have a penis."


	2. my boyfriend is better

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: My Boyfriend is Better Than Your Boyfriend

It didn't start out as a competition, at least that's what everyone kept saying. However, it all ended with Puck covered in cake batter, Finn with singed clothes, Mike with a twisted ankle, Artie glued to the wall, and Sam covered in glitter.

Damn Blaine Anderson for being so perfect!

It all started during the week before Valentine's Day. Dalton was having a day off and so naturally…

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, throwing his arms around his boyfriend, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you gorgeous," Blaine smiled, kissing his boyfriend on the lips. "Dalton's having another one of their teacher days so I figured why be there, when I can be here." He pulled out a white lily from behind his back and presented it to a blushing Kurt. "Here's something beautiful to remind you how beautiful you are to me, although it pales in comparison."

The girls all smiled. "AW…"

The boys all frowned, looking pissed. Sam nudged Mike. "Dude, he's making us look bad in front of the girls."

"Thank you Blaine," Kurt smiled, taking the flower, "It's lovely."

"It's just a preview for what I have in store for you next week," Blaine said, kissing Kurt's hand. "So be excited!"

"Wait what's next week?" Finn asked.

"Yeah does Hummel have a birthday or something?" Puck said. The boys continued to look confused while the girls just glared at them in anger.

"Um, boys?" Blaine said. "It's Valentine's day."

Tina reached up and smacked Mike in the chest. "I can't believe you forgot Valentine's day!"

Rachel looked even more angry than usual. "I can't believe you forgot the day of love Finn!"

Kurt just giggled. "By boyfriend is better than your boyfriend," he sang.

Blaine just smiled, hugging Kurt from behind. "Well it's only because you're so perfect. I have to keep up with you somehow now don't I angel?"

The girls stormed off, without their boyfriends. Kurt just continued to giggle as Blaine peppered his neck and ears with small kisses.

"I can't believe I forgot about Valentine's Day!" Sam exclaimed. "Quinn isn't going to talk to me for weeks."

"That was so awkward for you guys," Kurt laughed. "I'd feel bad for you but," he smiled, twirling his flower, "I am way too happy to worry about your girl issues."

Mike just huffed. "This is all your fault Hummel."

"Why?"

"For having such a perfect boyfriend," Finn said, waving as if it were obvious. "He's making us all look like idiots in front of the girls!"

Kurt frowned. "No, I think you guys pulled that one off all on your own."

"Come on babe," Blaine said, grabbing Kurt's hand, "I'll walk you to class."

And it only got worse as the day went on. Blaine was there being perfect for everything. He pulled out Kurt's chair, carried his lunch tray, said sweet nothing at the perfect times, carried his books, and even twirled him around just for the hell of it. And when it came time for Glee, he finally did it.

He made every boy in there look like complete and utter cavemen.

He and Kurt walked in holding hands, and if that wasn't enough he pulled out Kurt's chair, much to the "aws" of the girls in the room. The boys continued to glare.

Mr. Shue walked in, noticing the tension in the room almost immediately. "What going on? What's Blaine doing here?"

"Dalton has a day off," Blaine said smoothly, "So I decided to be more productive and spend time with Kurt." He brought up Kurt's hand, kissing his knuckles. Kurt smiled, ducking his head, and looking all too adorable for words.

The girls looked over and sighed, before turning to glare at their respective boyfriends.

"Um…Ok," Mr. Shue said, looking at the awkward situation. "I guess it's ok for you to sit in…"

Blaine stood up suddenly. "Actually, I was wondering if I could possibly perform something today, for a very special countertenor to be exact," he said, glancing over at Kurt.

"Sure," Mr. Shue said gratefully. Anything to take the awkwardness out of the room. "The floor is yours."

Blaine went to the center. "Now, as we all know, at least we all know by now," he teased, glancing at the boys, "Valentine's Day is coming up."

The boys glared at Blaine murderously while the girls all fawned over every word that came out of his mouth. Kurt looked confused as to what his boyfriend was doing.

"So, in order to do this right," he began, waving at the door where the rest of the warblers followed in, much to the surprise of the Glee club. "I am going to need a little bit of help in asking the love of my life," he turned to Kurt, "To spend Valentine's Day with me."

Kurt's smile looked like it was about to split open his face with how happy he looked.

Blaine opened his mouth and…

_I walked across an empty land  
>I knew the pathway like the back of my hand<br>I felt the earth beneath my feet  
>Sat by the river and it made me complete<em>

Finn looked over at Rachel who was hanging on Blaine's every word. How was he ever going to get as good at this guy?  
><em>Oh simple thing where have you gone<br>I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
>So tell me when you're gonna let me in<br>I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

Mike was getting nervous now. He was never going to top this and he knew it. He glanced at Tina who was staring at Blaine with a dreamy eyed expression. Damn that perfect Blaine!

_I came across a fallen tree  
>I felt the branches of it looking at me<br>Is this the place we used to love?  
>Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?<em>

Sam stared at Quinn who was smiling like crazy. He should be making her smile that way. She should not be smiling like that watching another guy serenade another guy.

_Oh simple thing where have you gone  
>I'm getting old and I need something to rely on<br>So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
>I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin<em>

Puck couldn't believe it. The girls looked like they were about to jump the guy and all he was doing was singing. He needed to get his game back. Blaine was obviously a master at this.

_And if you have a minute why don't we go  
>Talk about it somewhere only we know?<br>This could be the end of everything  
>So why don't we go<br>Somewhere only we know?_

Artie looked at Brittany who was staring at Blaine, transfixed. Of course it didn't take much to do that for Brittany but still. Her eyes should be on him.

_Oh simple thing where have you gone  
>I'm getting old and I need something to rely on<br>So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
>I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin<em>

_So if you have a minute why don't we go  
>Talk about it somewhere only we know?<br>This could be the end of everything  
>So why don't we go<br>So why don't we go_

_This could be the end of everything  
>So why don't we go<br>Somewhere only we know?_

At the last line Blaine slid onto his knees in front of Kurt, took his hand, while each of the Warblers held out a perfect white lily. Kurt gasped, smiling like crazy with tears in his eyes.

"Kurt Hummel," Blaine started, "I love you more than I could ever possible begin to describe. Would you do me the honor of being my valentine, and accompany me to dinner, and to Rent on valentine's day?"

The girls gasped, most with tears in their eyes. "That's so romantic," Tina squealed.

Kurt jumped into Blaine's arms. "Yes! A million times yes Blaine!"

The boys all glanced at each other anxiously. They needed to think of something, and they needed to think of something fast.

It was the day of Valentines, and the boys had all huddled together after Glee. At least all of their girlfriends were talking to them again.

"We are going to outshine Anderson," Puck growled. "He is no longer going to be the most perfect boyfriend. Our girls are in for a big surprise."

"I'm taking Rachel to a candle light dinner," Finn said proudly.

"I'm taking Tina dancing," Mike said.

"Santana likes eating, so I'm baking her a cake," said Puck, looking particularly pleased with himself.

"Brittany like it when I make things, so I thinking making her some sort of card." Artie already had the supplies in his bag.

"I'm taking Quinn to a carnival," said Sam, "I'm going to try and win her some sort of obnoxious stuffed animal."

"Alright men," Puck said clapping his hand together. "Move over Anderson cause we're going to be the most amazing boyfriends ever!"

The next day when Mr. Shue walked into Glee he groaned. The girls were on one side the room looking thoroughly pissed off, while the boys were on the other side looking deeply ashamed.

But wasn't yesterday Valentine's Day.

Oh. Whoops.

Kurt was sitting down in front, smiling while texting what Mr. Shue could only think was Blaine. He looked way to happy to be normal. But then again sometime she wondered whether Blaine had romantic super powers.

"Hey everyone," he said. "What's with the," he gestured to the separation.

"Our boyfriends," Rachel hissed, "_If _they are still our boyfriends, are the worst boyfriends ever!"

The girls collectively nodded.

"My boyfriends amazing," Kurt said smugly.

"Nobody asked you Mr. my boyfriend is awesome!" Santana snapped. "While you spent your Valentine's Day at a five star restaurant and a freaking sold out musical with Mr. perfect, I spent mine covered in cake batter!"

"That's not nearly as bad as mine," scoffed Rachel. "Finn set himself on fire at the restaurant, and then got us kicked out!"

"Mike twisted his ankle within the first five minutes of dancing," Tina huffed. "I spent my Valentine's Day in the emergency room eating hospital food."

"Artie glued himself to the door," said Brittany, as if that explained everything.

Mr. Shue wasn't going to ask.

"The glue was not supposed to be that strong!" Artie said, trying to defend himself.

"Yeah well blondie over there got covered in glitter at the carnival, and we got attacked by a clown!"

Rachel stared at her. "You were attacked by a clown?"

Quinn nodded angrily. "Hence the glitter," she said, pointing over at Sam who was still trying to shake the stuff out of his hair.

Kurt just smiled sweetly.

Mr. Shue wasn't sure what to do. The situation was more than regular awkward. He honestly didn't know what could make it worse.

"Hey Kurt!"

Blaine was standing in the doorway holding a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates, looking as dapper and perfect as usual.

What do you know? It just got more awkward.

"Blaine," Kurt smiled. "Valentine's day was yesterday."

"Oh," Blaine chuckled, "This isn't for Valentine's Day. This is just because I love you."

The girls glared at the boys. The boys glared at Blaine.

Artie threw his hand up. "That's it. I quit. Blaine is the superior boyfriend."

"Seconded," moaned Finn, slamming his face in his hands.

"I humbly admit defeat," said Sam.

"You win man," Puck sighed.

"Yeah," Mike said. "You are superior to us."

Blaine glanced at Kurt, confused. "What are they talking about?"

Kurt just smiled. "They've been trying to outdo you in all your romantic dapper perfect Blaine the boyfriend ways. They've been competing with you."

"That's ridiculous!" Blaine laughed. "I just do these things because I love you so much, and because there's nothing more perfect in the world to me than making you smile!"

Another chorus of "aws" came from the girl's side.

Puck jumped up. "That's it. Kurt, take your boyfriend and go be perfect somewhere else or we really never will recover from this shame!"

Kurt just shrugged and happily skipped over to Blaine who kissed him sweetly.

No one is more dapper, romantic, or perfect, than Blaine Anderson.

_**IMPORTANT:**_

_**By the way, is anyone opposed to the story becoming an M rating? I have a particular awkward moment in mind. It's written so I was just wondering whether it should become part of this story or posted separately. If you object let me know otherwise I'll put it up. Reviews make me write faster! Literally! They make me happy and it is proven that happy people are more productive. I think…**_

_**p.s. writer's block is a bitch so if you have any awkward one shot ideas in mind throw them in the reviews. I won't do all of them but if it sparks my writers interest I'll give it a shot.**_


	3. you guys are early

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

**_WARNING: this is rated M for a reason. however, the awkwardness is hilarious I promise._**

A series of one shots: You Guys are Early

_New Directions arrive at the Hummel house a little earlier than normal and find themselves in another awkward predicament. _

"Do you think that it's alright that we're early," Tina asked as the new Directions made their way up to the house. "Kurt's not busy or anything right?"

Finn waved a hand. "Nah. When I left he was just hanging out with Blaine watching The Little Mermaid or something. I don't think they're going to mind us being a few hours early."

They walked in, scanning the living room for Kurt and Blaine. "That's weird," Finn mumbled. "They had just started the movie…"

"It's still on," Brittany said, pointing to the TV.

"And what's with the major mess?" Artie asked, rolling his chair over a pile of popcorn that had obviously fallen of the table. "And is that Kurt's shirt?"

Kurt's shirt was thrown carelessly over one of the chairs. The group's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as they followed the trail of discarded clothes down the stair to the basement.

Puck crept towards the stairs, smirking. "You don't think…"

"No!" Finn squeaked. "Kurt's my little brother. Little brothers do not have sex! It's in the rule book of brothers or something!"

Santana marched over to where the stairs were. "Well, we certainly aren't going to find out by standing around up here now are we?"

"Santana!" Mercedes hissed. "We are not going to go downstairs and watch Kurt having sex!"

"LALA!" Finn sang shoving his fingers into his ears, "My brother is a virgin! Like a virgin! LALA!"

Puck yanked Finn's fingers away from his ears. "Dude, relax. This is probably why he's been way less bitchy lately. He's obviously been getting some!"

"And we don't have to watch Finn," Santana rolled her eyes. "However, there is no rule against listening to the door for confirmation, and then running right back upstairs now is there?"

The rest of the club looked guilty until Brittany walked over to the stairs. "I wanna listen to the dolphin sex."

And with that they all crept silently down the stairs.

"This is a bad idea," Rachel inputted. "If Kurt found out we'd never live it down. You know how private he is about these things!"

"Obviously not private enough to pick up his clothes!" Santana laughed, toeing a pair of bright blue boxer briefs out of the way.

"Santana," Finn hissed, "I really don't think-"

But a loud thud cut him off. At once half the clubs ears were glued to Kurt's door.

"Oh Kuurrtt," a voice purred. "That's it. Like that! Oh! Fuck! Oh God you've been practicing!"

The new directions exchanged looks, Santana smirking, her hand itching towards the doorknob. _Just a quick peak…if anything the sound will be better…_

The door inched open a crack, Finn glaring at Santana. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

She shrugged like it was no big deal. "I couldn't hear."

Sam leaned against the wall looking very uncomfortable. "Well now everyone can hear."

"On your hands and knees Blaine!"

Tina and Mercedes exchanged looks. They had never heard Kurt's voice like that before. It was so deep, so…demanding.

"Well what do you know," Puck muttered. "Hummel tops!"

Santana had her eye glued to the crack she had made in the door, but all she could see was the desk. _Shit…the bed must have been on the other side…_

"YES!" came Blaine's scream, causing all of new Directions to jump. "YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!"

"You want it!" Kurt growled. "Tell me! Tell me how much you want my cock in your ass!"

"Holy shit!" Quinn breathed, fanning herself. "Kurt Hummel just went to the top of my hot list!"

"This is insane," Mercedes squeaked, no doubt getting aroused like every other girl. And Puck. "We are going to get caught. And I am never going to be able to look at Kurt the same again!"

"At least not without wanting to jump him," Tina breathed.

"OH MY GOD HARDER KURT!" Blaine screamed. "FUCK ME HARDER!"

"You love this don't you!" Kurt growled. "You love it when I fuck you like the slut you are!"

"Yes!" Blaine wailed. "I'm your slut! Always your slut! Oh…oh…OH RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE KURT!"

"It's always the quiet ones," Puck sighed, who had no shame with rubbing his crotch over his pants there in front of everyone. "Who knew Hummel was such a dominant little freak in bed?"

Finn was trying to drown out the sound with his fingers jammed in his ears, but even he couldn't block the sound of what happened next.

"YES KURT! HARDER FASTER HARDER _DEEPER_ OH MY GOD YES KURT YOU'RE AMAZING! YOU'RE A GOD! YOU'RE A FUCKING SEX GOD!"

"This just became traumatic," Finn hissed. "We share that room! We live in the same house! How am I supposed to look at him now knowing he's a…he's a…"

"A fucking sex god?" Puck laughed. "Count yourself lucky to be related man!"

"You like that Blaine?" Kurt shouted, his voice low and sexy. "You like it when I touch you _there_ while I fuck you _here!_"

"YES!"

Suddenly there was a moment of quiet…

"Time for the finale," Santana said in a sing song voice.

"Will there be fireworks then?" Brittany asked innocently.

"Just for those two Brit," Puck snorted.

"I'M COMING KURT! I'M…I'M…I'M…

"THAT'S IT! YES BLAINE! YES…YES…

The boy's yells echoed around the house, the sound of their panting filling up the room.

"Wow," Santana muttered, "I am officially jealous of the curly headed hobbit."

"I'd go gay for a round with Hummel," Puck commented, deep in thought.

"I get a sex change for a round with Hummel," Santana groaned. "That sounded way better than any time that I've ever done it!"

Finn whimpered while Rachel patted his arm soothingly. Mercedes and Tina looked at each other before breaking into a round of girlish giggles.

Sam glanced at Mike who was staring at the door in a way too interested way before sighing. "Now that Finn has been sufficiently traumatized I suggest we go back upstairs before they start to notice that the entire glee club is listening in on them having sex."

Santana just snorted. "You make it sound way more perverted than it actually is."

The group settled down in the living room. No one even bothered to turn the TV on, not with all of their thoughts going a million miles per hour on what had just happened.

They all jumped as they heard the sound of giggling coming up the stairs. Kurt appeared wearing what had to be the tightest pair of boxer briefs known to man and what looked liked Blaine's Dalton dress shirt. Blaine was wearing sweatpants and the most blissed out expression on his face. He had his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist with no intention of letting go.

"Damn Hummel!" Puck shouted, pointing to Kurt's boxers. "Who knew you were packing the big guns!"

Kurt and Blaine jumped, glancing over at new Directions sitting around the living room, all looking everywhere except the barely dressed couple.

"Um," Kurt stuttered, "W-When did you guys get here?"

Puck smirked. "What's with the stuttering Hummel? Where'd that sex god go?"

Both Blaine and Kurt blushed like crazy, their eyes practically falling out of their sockets.

"You didn't," Kurt groaned, looking like he wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor, with Blaine too, he might add.

"You've permanently scared Finn for life I might add," Santana said, grinning at Blaine and Kurt. "And I think Mercedes and Tina enjoyed your little show a bit too much."

It was official. The situation could not possibly get more awkward.

Brittany raised her hand.

"Yes Brit," Kurt sighed, clearly mortified.

"So how were the fireworks?"

Never mind. It just did.

_**Writer's block is a real bitch so feel free to offer awkward one shot ideas through reviews. I can't promise to do all of them but if they spark an interest I will definitely give it a spin. P.s. I love reviews. What person doesn't? **_


	4. awesome blaine

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: Kick Your Ass

_**Note: this isn't so much awkward with new directions…more like badass Blaine…and then major awkwardness, but it's still lots of fun! **_

Kurt and Blaine were walking from school towards the football field with the girls to wait for the boys to finish up football. They had all planned a movie day at Kurt's house, and this time Kurt and Blaine were going to make sure things stayed at a G rating.

After what happened the last time it had taken almost a week for the girls to look at the two boys without giggling, and Finn still had a hard time looking at Kurt without wanting to immediately hide.

Puck was still making fun of them for it.

"Hey lady lips!"

They turned to see Karofsky and Azimo looking over at them, smirking. "That your boyfriend Hummel?"

Blaine stepped in front of Kurt, clearly pissed off. "Yes, do you have a problem with that you neanderthals?"

"Blaine," Kurt hissed, "Don't bother with them. I would like to take you home in one piece! I like having you as my boyfriend and really want to keep it that way."

Even the girls looked nervous. "Yeah Blaine, back off, they aren't one's to play fair."

Blaine acted as though he didn't hear them, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He continued to glare at the two jerks, taking a few steps forward. "I asked you a question. Do. You. Have. A. Problem?"

Karofsky and Azimo just laughed. "Looks like the hobbit wants to pick a fight." They turned back to Kurt. "What about you _Lady_? You wanna join him in the dumpster? Bet we could still fit your girlie self back inside your locker! Or we could just shove you back in the closet where you belong Lady!"

"Don't call him that!" Blaine growled out. "Kurt is more of a man than you'll ever be. Real men don't have to go around putting other people down just because they're really _insecure little girls_!"

Karofsky and Azimo weren't laughing now. "What did you say to us fag?"

Kurt pulled at Blaine's sleeve. "Blaine let's just go. They're not worth it."

"I am sick of these guys pushing you around," Blaine said, glancing at Kurt. "I am tired of this school not doing anything for you because of some stupid prejudice these assholes have. And I am done with people not treating you with respect for being the incredible and amazing person that you are."

Normally all the girls would smile and "aw" at Blaine amazing ability to be perfectly dapper at even the most tense of times but at that moment Karofsky shoved Blaine. And he shoved him hard.

Blaine fell back against the cement while Karofsky and Azimo just laughed.

"You have to stop this!" Kurt yelled, pulling Blaine up. "This isn't-"

"Just shut the hell up fag!" Azimo barked. "No one wants you spreading your fairy dust. You and your lady boy toy are nothing but freaks."

"That is it!" Blaine hissed, and he jumped forward.

The next second Blaine had both Azimo and Karofsky pinned against the wall, both their arms twisted up behind their backs.

"Oh my god…"Quinn muttered.

"Apologize to Kurt!" Blaine snapped. He pushed their arms up higher, twisting them sharply. They both yelped. "I mean it! Apologize to my boyfriend right now!"

"Sorry," they both hissed out against the pain.

Blaine dropped their arms. Both of them stumbled off to the side looking both scared and confused. Even the girls looked at Blaine oddly. Both Azimo and Karofsky were twice his size. How the hell did he pull that off?

Blaine walked over to Kurt, smiling. "Ready to go get the rest of the guys love?" Karofsky and Azimo took off, no doubt to recover from getting their jock asses kicked by a hobbit who was about half their weight.

Kurt smirked at him. "I thought you said your martial arts were only supposed to be used for _the greater good_?"

Blaine laughed, grabbing Kurt's hand and steering him towards the field. "Kurt, love, you're the greatest good there is in the world. And don't ever forget it."

Kurt laughed while the girls exchanged smiles. No one was more perfect for Kurt than Blaine.

"Hey guys!" Finn called out. "What's with the love fest?" he asked, gesturing to Kurt and Blaine who, if it were possible, were staring at each other with even more adorable goopy love than usual.

"Yeah," Puck said. "What's with Hummel and hobbit?"

"Blaine just totally made an ass out of Azimo and Karofsky," Santana said, looking at Blaine, impressed. "And then he totally did what you guys couldn't and still managed to keep violence romantic."

Blaine shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a man of many talents."

"So," Sam said, "Blaine can totally kick ass?"

"I took martial arts at my dad's request after my last public school experience went downhill," Blaine explained, shrugging like it was no big deal. "And I have to say it's come in handy," he smiled, pulling Kurt in close and kissing him on the top of his head.

"So wait…" Puck said, looking totally confused. "Blaine can kick ass, treats Kurt like a Queen, no offense Kurt," he added.

"None taken," said Kurt.

"Not to mention Blaine totally shows us up on a daily basis," Puck continued, gesturing to all the guys, "And Hummel stills has a leash and collar on hobbit in bed? I mean Blaine is mister Romeo and Hummel still get's to be the master sex god and tops during sex?"

Kurt face palmed while Blaine turned red as a fire truck. The girls broke out into a fit of giggles while Santana muttered, "Wanky."

Brittany tugged on Kurt's sleeve. "But Kurt," she whispered looking confused, "You said Blaine only called you master that one time?"

Everyone's jaws dropped while Blaine was literally trying to shrink into Kurt. Kurt turned to Brittany. "That was private Brit!" Kurt hissed.

But Brittany still looked confused. "_And _you said you only used the leash and collar on Blaine for special occasions, or only if Blaine's been really bad."

Puck burst out laughing while the girls stared at Kurt in shock, and, in Santana's case, extreme sexual interest.

Kurt glanced at Blaine who looked like he would never talk again. "Great guys," Kurt sighed, pulling Blaine's hand and leading him towards the parking lot, "You broke my boyfriend!"

"Isn't that you're job Hummel!" Puck called after them.

"So Brit," Santana began, "What else can you tell us about the sexy lives of Kurt and Blaine?"

_**My poor writer's body requires reviews to live! :) please review cause it makes me smile!**_


	5. caught

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: Caught

_**This chapter is rated M for amazing Klaine sexyness and the incredible awkwardness that comes with it!**_

The new directions were gathered around the Hummel's living room with Burt and Carole watching the TV.

"I thought Kurt was supposed to be here by now," Mercedes asked. It was already half an hour into the game and neither Kurt nor Blaine were there yet.

"Yeah," said Rachel, "I mean I know the drive to Blaine's isn't exactly short but he left almost two hours ago."

"Finn, you know why your brother is so late?" Burt asked, looking at the clock nervously. "Kurt's never late for anything."

Finn just shrugged.

"I'm sure he's fine Burt," Carole said, patting his arm. "There could have been traffic, road work, maybe Blaine forgot something…"

"Yeah," Burt mumbled. "Yeah you're probably right."

A knock came at the door.

"Kurt wouldn't knock," said Finn. "I mean, this is his house and all."

Burt went to the door, the rest of the New Directions looking towards the hallway with interest.

"Um…" came Burt's voice, "Can I help you officer?"

Everyone ran to the door, the same thought going through everyone's mind. _Is Kurt Ok? What happened? Did something happen to Kurt and Blaine?_

Standing at the door was a police officer with one hand on Kurt's shoulder and the other on Blaine's.

Both boys looked a mess. Kurt's hair, usually neat and perfectly put together was ruffled beyond recognition, not to mention his bow tie was hanging off his collar, and his shirt was buttoned up only part way, most of the buttons not even the proper slots.

Blaine was no different. His hair was sticking out in every which way and his clothes too looked as though he had thrown them on without really paying attention. In fact, both boys looked like they got dressed in way too much of a hurry.

"Wanky," Santana whispered to Brittany.

"Um," said Burt, clearly still not understanding the situation. "What happened? Are you boys alright? Did something happen when you were driving?"

"Yeah man," said Finn, looking at Kurt, still not getting the situation either. "Did something happen with the car?"

"Oh," the officer sighed. "Trust me they weren't even driving when I found them. And it's not so much what happened _with_ the car as what happened _in _the car."

Blaine's eyes clenched tight. Maybe if he tried really hard he could disappear and this conversation would never happen. Even Kurt looked more embarrassed than was physically possible. He kept his eyes everywhere but on his dad.

Burt's eyes narrowed. Oh. He got it now. "What do you mean happened_ in_ the car? What were you two doing _in_ that car!"

_Flashback…_

"We are so going to be late," mumbled Blaine, pulling onto the freeway. "This is what happens when I let you dress me!"

Kurt just laughed, switching on the radio. "You know you love it when I dress you. In fact, I know you like it almost as much as when I undress you."

Blaine blushed, but smiled anyways at his boyfriend. "That does happen to be my favorite way of undressing."

"So we're a little late," Kurt shrugged. "Big deal. We'll still get there."

"I know," Blaine smiled. "I just want to make a good impression on your dad. I don't think he likes me very much."

"He likes you plenty," Kurt insisted, rubbing Blaine's shoulder. "Aw, honey you're tense," Kurt teased, running a finger down Blaine's arm. "You don't need to be, you know. Everyone loves you." Kurt leaned in, placing a kiss against Blaine's earlobe causing him to shiver. "Especially me."

"Kurt," Blaine breathed, "I'm…" Kurt pulled his earlobe into his mouth a sucked, "I'm…driving…"

"And you're doing a wonderful job love," Kurt smirked. "Now, about all this tension…"he trailed off, placing a hand over Blaine's crotch, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to do something about that," he whispered as Blaine gasped, thrusting up. "I can't have you all tense tonight. You won't have any fun!"

"Kurt," Blaine moaned as Kurt trailed a finger up and down the zipper of his jeans, "I'm driving and I don't-" he choked as Kurt began to pull down the zipper, opening the button with one hand, "Can't concentrate," Blaine gasped, pushing his hips up to mean Kurt's hand. "Don't wanna….d-don't wanna…c-crash…" he stuttered as Kurt began to stroke him slowly through his boxers. "I really don't think I can drive with you touching me with your hands like that," he groaned.

Kurt's hand slowly moved away. "You're right," he said, running his hand down Blaine's thigh, scratching ever so slightly on the way back up. "Touching you like this while you're driving isn't the best idea."

Blaine wasn't sure whether he should be disappointed or relieved. All he knew is he had never been this hard while driving before, and it was _driving_ him insane.

"However," Kurt whispered, kissing his way up Blaine's neck, his voice soft and sultry, "I happen to know what to do to make this situation better. I don't even need my hands…"

Kurt was kissing down Blaine's neck, running his tongue over the skin. Blaine shivered. "And how," he gasped out, "Do you plan on doing that?"

Kurt smirked, a single eyebrow arched beautifully. "Have you ever heard of road head, Blaine?"

Before Blaine even had a chance to object Kurt had pulled his boxers over his cock, and wrapped his lips around it, sucking hard.

"KURT!" Blaine screamed, thrusting up. "Oh GOD! Bad idea. Really really bad idea. So good…feels so good," he moaned as Kurt ran his tongue over the head roughly. "But bad idea," he gasped, his hands gripping the steering wheel too tightly.

Kurt ran his tongue up the side, not even noticing how Blaine's foot slammed on the accelerator. His head began bobbing up and down, and each time he got to the top he sucked on the head hard, tonguing the slit.

Blaine was caught between heaven and hell, his eyes unable to focus, his mind completely out of it. All he could feel was the caress of Kurt's tongue on his dick, and how good…so…good...it felt…all that warm wet heat…

"Kurt," Blaine moaned, "I'm goanna…I need to…I can't hold on…" he choked.

"Pull over," Kurt mumbled through a particularly hard suck. Blaine's hand slammed the steering wheel as he practically swerved to the side of the road. He threw the emergency break up and leaned back, gripping Kurt's head tightly as he practically screamed.

"YES Kurt!" he wailed. "I love this, love you, love what you do to me…"

Then Kurt started humming, and Blaine was gone. He was coming in long spurts down Kurt's throat, seeing nothing but the bright light going off like crazy in front of him.

Blaine slowly came back to a coherent state, looking over at Kurt who looked like the cat who just caught the canary. "So," Kurt drawled out, "How's that tension now?"

"None existent," Blaine chuckled, wrapping his hand around Kurt's. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a sexy little minx?"

Kurt laughed. "Well, I know you do on a regular basis, but it's nice to hear it again."

"You need me to…" Blaine trailed off gesturing to Kurt's hard on, which stood out prominently against his black skinny jeans. Blaine licked his lips, his mind already imagining what it would be like to suck him off.

"We really shouldn't," Kurt whispered, too distracted by the way Blaine's tongue ran over his lips to really know what he was saying. "We're going to be late."

Blaine inched closer, "But we're already late," he breathed softly.

"Good point."

And then they both met in the middle for a heated kiss.

"Back seat?" Kurt gasped out.

Blaine nodded like a kid of Christmas. "Back seat!"

_End Flashback…_

"When I found them let's just say I saw a lot more than any person would ever wish to see," the officer said, clearly annoyed. "Now since they're minors and this is the first time either one has been caught for anything I'm letting them off with warning's, but don't," he warned, "Let it happen again."

"Don't worry officer," Burt said angrily, while the rest of new Directions looked on awkwardly, "It won't happen again, will it boys?" he turned to glare at Kurt and Blaine, but mainly he glared at Blaine.

Both boys shook their heads.

"Good," the officer said. "Well boys, I hope we never see each other again." He turned to Burt and Carole. "Have a nice night."

Burt nodded. "You to."

As soon as the door shut Burt turned to glare at the two disheveled boys. "Well," he said, "Have either of you boys got anything to say?"

Blaine pointed at Kurt, looking terrified. "He started it!"

"Blaine!" Kurt hissed.

"I totally believe that," Puck whispered to Finn, who looked horrified with the situation. "Your brother has the libido of a beast in heat."

"Dude!" Finn screeched, clapping his hands over his ears, "Not cool!"

Carole, looking like she was halfway between laughing and grounding the boys said, "What possessed you boys to do that?"

"Isn't it obvious Mrs. H?" Santana said. "I totally blame this on their hormones."

"This is ridiculous!" Burt shouted. "What were you two thinking? Can't you even use your heads?"

"They were," Puck muttered, "Just not the ones located _above_ the waist," he snickered. Tina and Mercedes exchanged looks before giggling, Quinn joining in a second later.

"Wanky wanky," Santana giggled.

Blaine was shifting awkwardly from side to side. He knew he shouldn't have worn such tight jeans. This was becoming seriously uncomfortable.

"Um," Blaine mumbled, "Could I run to the car really quick to get-"

Burt turned to glare at him. "What? What could you possibly need to get that is more important than me yelling at you two boys right now?"

Blaine glanced at Kurt who just rolled his eyes with a look that clearly said, "You're on your own."

Blaine knew he shouldn't have ratted him out.

"Well," Burt growled, "What could you possibly need right now that is so important!"

Blaine sighed, thanking god that he at least wasn't going to die a virgin.

"My boxers."


	6. Dapper Anderson

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: Dapper Anderson

_**So a lot of you like the "my boyfriend is better than your boyfriend" piece so I thought I'd do this as a kind of sequel to it. Fluffy one shot. **_

All the boys agreed. Blaine Dapper Anderson was at it again.

It had started off as an innocent day at the mall for New Directions, Blaine tagging along like always, practically glued to Kurt's side whispering sweet adorations followed by soft touches that made Kurt giggle like crazy.

And it made every boy there sick.

The girls thought it was adorable of course, and kept shooting their own boyfriends glares at every opportunity they had.

"So," Kurt began, "I say we start here, work our way down to the end of the mall, and then double back and double check in case we miss anything. We can stop at the food court halfway through."

The boys all groaned. Except for Blaine, Puck noticed. Because he was fucking perfect!

The girls nodded at Kurt. "Sounds good," Rachel added. "Claires is having a sale!"

It wasn't long before the girls, and Kurt, all had several shopping bags dragging behind them down the mall. Well, the girls all had numerous shopping bags. Kurt had Blaine, who not only was following Kurt around like the most adorable puppy to ever exist, but was carrying every single one of Kurt's bags.

And he was smiling about it.

Quinn glanced over at Sam, trying to hoist her own shopping bags higher up on her shoulder, "Sam, is there anything you might want to help me with?"

Sam, who was glancing over at Victoria's Secret like a moth to a flame just looked lost. "Um," he said, "Do you need me to pick out underwear for you or something? Because I can totally do that!"

Quinn huffed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah I'm sure you could," she muttered under her breath, stalking off.

"Dude?" Finn said, "What did you say to her?"

Sam just shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe it's like a PMS thing?"

They all wandered into another store, where the girls immediately flocked over to the large display they had on scarves.

"Oh my Gaga," Kurt exclaimed, running his hand over the fabric, "I think I've died and gone to heaven."

"They're gorgeous," Mercedes sighed, rolling a dark green one over her hands and staring the mannequin enviously. "Why are all the best things in life so expensive?"

"What are you guys looking at?" Blaine said, setting Kurt's bags down to hug him from behind. "See anything that can match your flawless beauty? I'll warn you right now, it's impossible," he whispered in Kurt's ear, like he was telling him a huge secret.

The girls giggled, glancing towards their own boys, who looked as though they were having a contest on who could burp the loudest. Right as Mike looked as though he was about to belch Puck slugged him in the stomach while the other guys laughed.

Tina sighed, while Rachel patted her arm sympathetically. "It's ok," Rachel said, "I feel your pain."

Finn jogged over, "So," he said, "Are we ready to go? Me and the guys wanna hit the food court. Puck totally says he can eat five corn dogs in under thirty seconds!"

"What a catch," Santana sighed.

"Just a second Finn," Kurt said, glancing back at the scarves, "I have to say goodbye to the masterful art that is these scarves."

Blaine suddenly got that mischievous grin on his face. "Out of curiosity," he began, tracing Kurt's collar bone with his finger, "Which one is your favorite. I mean," he added, "If you had to buy one, which would you get?"

Kurt looked contemplative for a moment. "I think…the blue one."

Blaine proceeded to pick it up and walk to the cashiers. "Good choice. It totally brings out those amazing blue eyes of yours!"

"Blaine," Kurt whined, "You can't buy that for me! It's way too expensive!"

The girls all started at Kurt with envy in their eyes. "Shut it Kurt," Santana hissed. "Your boy is loaded! Use it to your advantage!"

"Blaine you really don't have too," Kurt said, looking touched all the same. "It really is a pricy scarf."

Blaine just pulled out his wallet, flashing his card at the cashier. "You can't put a price on love baby," he said. "Besides," he smiled, kissing the back of Kurt's hand, "I'd pay anything in the world to see you smile. That is worth more to me than the price of a designer scarf!"

Kurt just grinned.

"Finn," Rachel began, "These scarves _are_ really nice…" she trailed off.

Finn, completely unaware to what had just happened just shrugged. "If you like them so much just buy one. Can we hurry up? I'm starved!"

Rachel glared at him, before storming over to Quinn where for the first time, they seemed quite able to bond over something: the absolute caveman nature of their boyfriends.

"I'm ready to go if Kurt is," Blaine said, picking up the rest of Kurt's bags and tucking the bag with the scarf into one of the larger ones.

Kurt nodded, linking his arm with Blaine's free one. "Let's go."

As they gathered round an empty table at the food court, Quinn and Rachel sitting together in what looked like a rage, if sitting could be described in a rage, Finn and Sam turned to look at each other.

"What did _you _do?" Sam asked, glancing over at their girls who were glaring daggers at them. "I feel like I can't keep up anymore."

"I know man," Finn said, "It's like we're screwing up so fast we don't even notice we're screwing up anymore."

Puck just laughed. "I don't think that's it Finn."

"Well then," Sam said, "What is it then!"

Puck pointed over at Blaine, who was currently feeding Kurt bites of his pasta off his fork. Puck shuddered. Their cuteness was eventually going to manifest into a unicorn that jizzed glitter and rainbows. "Notice that when the girls are maddest at us is when hobbit is around showing us up?"

The two boys looked at each other, before glaring at a completely unaware Blaine. Well, maybe if they glared harder….

Nope. Still nothing.

Tina was watching Kurt and Blaine now too, next to Mike, who was currently shoving what looked like half of his burger down his throat with one hand. Kurt giggled as Blaine leaned over and licked a drop of spaghetti sauce away from the corner of his mouth.

"Mike," she said, watching Blaine feed Kurt another bite of pasta, "Don't you think there might be a more fun way of eating?"

"Whfmayyomen?" he mumbled from behind his hamburger. He swallowed before belching, causing Tina to wince. "Like a food fight?"

Tina sighed. "Never mind."

Quinn and Rachel were happy to include her in their little circle of "why I wish my boyfriend was like Blaine."

After they ate, Mike was now walking with Finn and Sam, and, just like them, was completely clueless as to why Tina was now walking with Rachel and Quinn. If looks could kill…

Mike shuddered.

"I just don't get what we did wrong," Mike sighed, looking defeated. "I mean, what is Blaine doing that we're not doing?"

"Well that's easy enough," Santana snorted, "Blaine is perfect in every single way shape and form, and he doesn't let anyone forget it, especially Kurt." She sighed. "What I wouldn't give to have a man like Blaine. Or a man like Hummel," she added. "Either way I'd get the royal treatment, or mind blowing sex." She shrugged. "That's more than any of you guys can say for yourselves."

"But what did we do wrong? Specifically?" Finn asked. "I mean, they were fine when we got here."

"Well let's see," Santana began, "Blaine is carrying Kurt's bags," she began ticking the list off her fingers, "He bought Kurt that ridiculously expensive scarf for no reason, he fed Kurt all throughout lunch, _and_," she said, "Judging by the way Brit is storming away from Artie Blaine just pulled out another bundle of dapper Anderson from his endless store of perfect boyfriend."

Brittany stomped over to Santana and frowned.

"How did Artie mess up?" Sam asked.

"Blaine called Kurt his precious angel," Brittany said, looking confused. "Artie only ever calls me Brittany. And I don't see how Kurt's an angel. He doesn't even have wings. Plus I overheard Blaine calling him a little devil in bed the other day, so I don't understand how Kurt can be both an angel and a devil. Does Kurt have superpowers?" Brittany asked Santana, looking completely serious.

Santana just laughed as the boys stood there awkwardly. "No Brit. "But why don't you go talk about this with Tina Quinn and Rachel. I think they're in the same boat as you right now."

Brittany tilted her head to the side. "I don't want to go on a boat. I'll get seasick, and then the mermaids will get me."

"Just go," Santana sighed, shoving her over to the other girls.

Artie wheeled over the boys, slouching. "Hey, do I even need to…?"

"Nope," Finn sighed. "Just join the club."

"What club?" Sam asked.

"The "We will never be as good as Blaine Dapper Anderson" club," Finn said in a monotone.

"Ah," Sam said. "_That_ club."

"On the plus side," Artie interjected, "Nothing sufficiently awkward has happened today as of yet!"

"Blaine!" Kurt shrieked, "Do not tickle me again or you are going to be in so much trouble!"

"Use the nipple clamps you keep in your back pocket Hummel!" Santana shouted. "I know you have them!"

The boys glanced at Artie who looked thoroughly disturbed.

"Never mind."


	7. the inside joke

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: The inside joke

_**You guys will probably get the joke way before New Directions does. Once you get the inside joke mentioned in this piece, go back and reread the joke lines. I happen to think they're pretty creative. Thank you google magic!**_

_**Let the awkwardness begin!**_

"I just don't get it," Puck groaned. "They've been doing it the entire day! And I don't even know what they're talking about!"

Kurt and Blaine had been going back and forth the entire day with some inside joke they had, giggling like school girls and constantly congratulating each other. It started sometime that morning while all the New Direction kids plus Blaine were hanging out at a small fair being held in town.

They had been walking along when they passed a corn dog stand, and Kurt and Blaine had immediately burst into laughter, Blaine practically hanging off of Kurt, who was barely able to breathe.

The group stared at them.

"Um, guys?" Finn asked hesitantly, "Are you two alright?"

"Fine!" Kurt gasped out.

"Yeah," Blaine laughed. "Just a little inside joke between me and Kurt."

"Baloney pony?" Kurt asked Blaine.

"Power drill!" Blaine exclaimed.

The two erupted into more laughter while Kurt high fived Blaine. "Excellent!"

The New Directions exchanged glances. "What are you guys talking about?" asked Rachel, turning to Finn. "Is this some guy thing about power tools?"

But the other boys shook their heads. Clearly they didn't get Kurt and Blaine's joke either.

Blaine and Kurt glanced at each other before laughing again. "It's nothing," Kurt laughed. "Come on lets go enjoy the fair!"

"Magic wand," Blaine said.

"Joy stick," Kurt retorted.

And on and on it went!

"So what do you think they are talking about?" Sam asked Finn. "I mean, he is your brother."

Finn threw up his hands. "Do not look at me! But now that I think about it, they were doing the same exact thing over the weekend. They just kept saying random shit and cracking up about it! I don't understand!"

"Jack hammer!"

"Jack_-in-the-box_!"

"Nice!"

"See?" Finn said, exasperated, "They've been doing this awhile. I just wish I knew what it was they were talking about!"

"I know what you mean man," Puck said, looking confused, "Usually I can read those two boys better than all of you pansy's, no offense," he added towards the rest of the gang, "But I'm as lost as everyone else."

"Maybe it's a gay thing?" Mercedes offered.

"Long John silver!"

"Bread in the basket!"

"Summer sausage!"

"Little solider!"

"Pork sword!"

"Beef bayonet!"

"Pogo stick!"

"Purple headed Cobra!"

"Ok!" Puck yelled, "What the hell is a purple headed Cobra?"

Kurt and Blaine snorted. "You would know Puck, you would know."

"Were you two watching animal planet again?" Finn asked. "I mean that's cool. We won't make fun of you guys for it if you were."

"Nope," Kurt laughed, Blaine sniggering beside him. "We weren't watching animal planet," he said, as though he were hiding a big secret."

"Porrige stirrer?" Blaine offered hesitantly.

Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment before smiling and nodding. "Yup, it works!"

"What works?" everyone screamed.

"This is actually frustrating me now," Quinn said.

"I'm really lost," Brittany said. "I'm even more lost that I usually am. Why are they talking about stirring porridge?"

"Don't worry about it guys," Blaine smiled. "Let get in line for the Ferris wheel!" he said excitedly.

Kurt giggled, clutching his side, looking all sorts of adorable.

"Oh," Blaine said excitedly, "Which one have you got now?"

"Milk factory!" Kurt burst out, and the two erupted into even more laughter.

The group just sighed, turning and heading over to the line at the Ferris wheel. "I'm honestly at the point where I really don't want to know," Finn sighed.

"I do!" Puck said. "Those two are driving me crazy and I want to know what the hell they are talking about! Everything they say is usually laced with hilarity for everyone!"

"It's true," Santana said. "Whether we are making fun of them or getting out laughs from them there's no doubt that those two are a hilarious duo."

"Twizzler!"

"Chick stick!"

"Palm pickle!"

"Third leg!"

"Oooohhhhhhh," Puck said, actually blushing now that Kurt and Blaine had arrived at the more obvious ones, "Now I get it."

"What?" the rest of them asked. "What! Tell us!"

Puck shook his head looking disturbed. "Just listen. You'll get it."

"Trouser trout!"

"Skin flute!"

"Hot beef injection!"

"Peter Peter lady greeter!"

At this the two boys couldn't continue because they were laughing too hard. "This was way more fun in public," Kurt choked. "We need to definitely do it again!"

"That's it!" Santana burst. "You two are going to tell us what you two have been going on about all day! Now! I am about ready to flip a bitch!"

Kurt and Blaine smiled sneakily at each other.

"You mean," Blaine said slowly, "When we're talking about things like lightsabers?"

"Or like the Eiffel tower?" Kurt offered.

"Or twig and berries?"

"Or tallywacker?"

"Yes!" the group screamed. "What are you two talking about?"

Kurt wrapped a hand around Blaine's waist, "Well," he smirked, "For example, I just love Blaine's one eyed trouser snake!"

Blaine smirked too, catching on. "And I absolutely adore Kurt's heat seeking love missile!"

Kurt giggled. "Nice one. Oh! And I just can't get enough of Blaine's big Jim and the twins!"

"Clever!" Blaine praised. "But nothing can compare to your super secret agent hosepipe!" He finished.

The group just stood there in awe. "So…" Finn said, as though he didn't really understand it, "The whole day you guys have been coming up with names for…for a penis?"

"Yup!" Kurt said happily. "We started the game two days ago and have been playing ever since. The only rule is no repeats."

Blaine smiled fondly at Kurt, "It's good for bonding. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard!"

"Seriously," Kurt added, "We've been going non-stop for days with this."

"That is so what she said!" Puck screamed.

Kurt and Blaine stood there in shock for a moment. Then the two boys looked at each other, before each of them pulled equally frightening grins.

"You game?" Kurt asked.

Blaine laughed. "I am so game!"

"Why are they grinning like that?" Artie asked Puck. "I'm scared."

"Guys," Puck said, "You're starting to freak us out a little."

"Yeah," Tina said warily, "Guys…?"

"Well," Santana said, clearly in a good mood, "That game sounds like a lot of fun." She turned to Kurt and Blaine. "Keep it up guys!"

"That's what she said!" Kurt laughed, causing Blaine to fall to the ground, clutching his side, laughing violently.

"Hey Kurt," Blaine laughed, "How would you like to eat a hot dog!"

"That's what she said! Or get a giant pixie stick?" Kurt snorted.

"That's what she said!"

"Congratulations Puck," Finn said angrily, smacking Puck upside the head. "You have officially corrupted my brother and his boyfriend! They'll be doing this joke for days!"

"Yeah!" Rachel shrieked. "They won't be able to keep their mouths shut!"

"That's what she said!"

"Oh for the love of God!"

_**In your reviews, throw in some funny words or phrases for penis and awesome that's what she said jokes if you'd like. I'll post them in the next chapter for everyone to enjoy!**_


	8. What they didn't need to see

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: What Burt Hummel, and Mr. Shue, really didn't need to see

_**Sorry this is so late. I was gone the entire day with no time to write. On the plus side, it is extra long! This is rated M for kinky sexy awesome Klaine and the awkwardness that comes with it. Enjoy. Please review! I love your reviews!**_

Burt Hummel considered himself an easy going kind of guy. He accepted his son without hesitation, and even though he didn't always feel completely excited with the idea, Kurt meant more to him than anything else in the world.

But there were some things about his son he didn't need to know about. In fact there were quite a few things Burt Hummel never even wanted to think about in regards to his son's romantic relationships. Sadly though, for Burt Hummel, he was going to need to bleach his eyes out, ring out his brain using only the most toxic of cleaning chemicals, and pay for extensive therapy that dealt only with the type of traumatic horror he had witnessed last Tuesday afternoon, when he had gone into his shop early.

He would never be punctual again…

Burt walked into the shop, glancing around. Funny…Kurt should have been behind the desk by now…

"Kurt!"

Burt snapped his head to the other room. It sounded like Blaine was here, and apparently he was in some sort of trouble.

"Oh my God Kurt!"

Burt hurried over to the back of the shop and rounded the corner. Not all the brain bleach in the world could get out of his head what he saw next.

Blaine was on top of the car, spread eagle, with Kurt standing over him and looked as though he were quite literally screwing Blaine's brain out. Blaine suddenly wrapped his legs behind Kurt's waist, reaching behind him to grab the wind shield wipers.

"Yes baby yes!" Blaine wailed. "Give it to me master! Give it to me give it to me give it to me!"

"That's what you get for getting grease on my sweater!" Kurt growled, slamming hard into Blaine, who proceeded to scream.

"Yet Kurt! Punish me! I've been so _bad_!"

Burt turned and practically ran back to the front of the store. He sat down, unable to stand, completely horrified at what he just saw. Kurt was fucking Blaine, his boyfriend Blaine, on top of one of his client's cars. Wait a minute…

_Kurt _was fucking Blaine? Burt's eyebrow furrowed. Kurt was his sweat little boy, he had tea parties, had a collection of princess tiaras, and watched Disney movies. Kurt, his son Kurt, appeared to have just initiated kinky sex, and was dominating Blaine even as he sat there traumatized for life.

Amidst all the complete and utter horror that was currently running through Burt Hummel, he couldn't help but feel a small fraction of pride at the back of his mind.

And that disturbed him almost as much.

An ear shattering wail suddenly echoed around the garage, while someone screamed "Kurt you're a _God_!"

Burt Hummel buried his face in his hands. Scared for life…scared for life…scared for his _next _life and all the ones after that…

He could hear the sound of talking coming closer to the front of the store. As much as he wanted to be angry at the two, he was too disturbed to even bother.

"I don't see why people don't make more of a deal over that position," Kurt said brightly. "You clearly liked it."

"Well maybe it's a gay thing," Blaine offered, looking way to happy to be normal. "I mean," he leaned closer to Kurt, "You did hit all the right spots," he added in a flirty whisper.

"Ahem!"

Kurt and Blaine froze, turning to glance over at Burt, who for once looked actually more embarrassed than they did. Burt stared at his son, who was sporting wild hair, and untucked shirt, and looked altogether very sloppily put together.

"Um," Burt said, attempting to break the silence. Blaine was currently moving behind Kurt, cowering in what could only be described as absolute terror. "Do I need to run Mrs. Davis's car through the car wash?"

Both boys blushed so violently it looked as though they might actually self combust from embarrassment. If Burt knew which car…then that must mean…

"Oh god," Blaine whispered, clearly horrified.

"Just about to run it through," Kurt said, staring at his feat. "Came here to get the um…get the um…keys…"

"Right," Burt nodded, looking awkward.

They all stood around for a moment, the silence deafening.

"So," Kurt drawled out, "How early did you get here?"

"Too early," Burt said, his voice gruff. "Way too early. I won't ever get here early again."

"Good to know," Kurt squeaked. "I'm just goanna get the keys…"

"Right," Burt repeated. "Right."

Blaine scurried to the back of the shop again. Kurt reached over to grab the keys out of the drawer. "Um…later," he mumbled.

"Uh, Kurt," Burt said hesitantly. "Um…good job?" he said almost as though he were asking a question. "Way to be a man? I think?"

"Thanks?" Kurt said slowly, again, almost like a question. "I think?"

And he hurried back to Blaine.

Burt nodded, more to himself than anything. "He's a young man, they can't get pregnant, you knew this was happening, he can still like tea parties…"

Back at the back of the store, Blaine was pacing the floor, looking agitated. "This is terrible, the worst that's ever happened! Even the cop wasn't as bad as this! This is your father that caught us!"

Kurt, no doubt still embarrassed, managed to regain some of his usual pale color without blushing. "Maybe. But I still think that time with Mr. Shue was worse. I mean, we weren't really naked or anything but just the situation was…well…"

Mr. Shue was walking down the hallways late one night at school. Glee club had just let out after a rather long rehearsal at Rachel's insistence. With regionals so close most of the club seemed perfectly ok with this.

Except for Kurt.

He had been fidgety the entire time, constantly looking at the clock and squirming around. Every so often he jumped, a strange look passing over his face. The cub had asked him what was wrong, but each time he had just shaken his head, looking mortified.

Mr. Shue turned the corner and saw Kurt suddenly storm into an empty classroom, a furious look on his face.

Concerned, Mr. Shue crept to the classroom door and peaked inside. What he saw happen next was really his own damn fault. Later, while he was reflecting on the situation back home with more alcohol than is really safe for consumption, he would realize that if glee rehearsal wasn't so long, this never would have happened.

Kurt stormed up to a smirking Blaine and socked him in the shoulder. "I was at glee club you ass! What the hell were you thinking pulling something like that while I was in public!"

"Hey!" Blaine said, throwing his hands up. "For the record, I thought you would have been home by then."

"I texted you telling you to knock it off! And you had to be in the school you little liar! That remote only works if you're within a certain distance!"

"Oh yeah," Blaine smiled, "I forgot about that."

"Sure you did," Kurt scoffed. "Give me the remote," he held out his hand. "Now!"

"Oh? You mean this remote?" Blaine twirled the remote around in his hands. "I dunno…I seem to like having the remote."

Mr. Shue frowned. What were they talking about? Just as he was about to go in and confront the boys, Blaine switched the remote on.

Kurt moaned, his legs giving out as he fell into a chair. "Blaine," he warned, his voice high, "You need to stop that…I've come at least five times today alone and I don't know if I can take anymore…"

Mr. Shue's eyes widened. He heard a small buzzing sound, and finally, he got it.

"You know Kurt," Blaine smirked, "When I bought you this dildo for when I was away, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I mean, can a toy really measure up to the real thing?"

Blaine turned a dial on the remote and Kurt bucked his hips up, and began grinding his ass into the chair, trying to force the dildo up higher. "You don't vibrate!" Kurt gasped out. "And geeze Blaine you've never turned it on this high before!"

"You like it?" Blaine said teasingly. "You know, I could turn it up higher. They say at the next level you'll feel it in your cock. Sound like fun love?"

Kurt nodded, looking blissed out. "Yes Blaine." He ground his hips into the chair and suddenly screamed.

Blaine walked behind Kurt and ran a finger down Kurt's neck. "You hit your prostate baby? I know how much you love it when I'm inside you, when I pound into it, or when I push up against it so hard and just _grind_!"

Kurt's eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Love that!" he gasped. "Love you!"

"And since you love me so much," Blaine said, planting kisses along Kurt's neck, "I'm going to see what level ten looks like on your little toy."

"What's it at now?" Kurt moaned, tilting his head so Blaine could suck harder.

Blaine smirked dangerously, "Four."

The second he turned the level to ten Kurt screamed. "God Blaine!" he practically sobbed. "So much! Too much! I c-can't…I don't t-think…I c-can…take it!"

"Yes you can love!" Blaine purred. "Because it's going to get better."

And then Blaine dropped to his knees in front of Kurt, sticking the remote in his back pocket.

Mr. Shue wasn't sure why he was still watching. Any normal person would have been running in the other direction by now, but here Mr. Shue was, watching one of his students and his boyfriend getting it on in an empty classroom.

He needed some serious help.

Blaine ran his tongue over the outside of Kurt's jeans over the large bulge that was formed there. Kurt was shamelessly rutting into the air, desperate for some friction while grinding himself down into the chair. He looked like a porn star, and Blaine could have watched all night.

"Do you want me to suck you off babe?" Blaine asked, slowly unbuttoning Kurt's jeans and yanking his boxers down. "I love your cock, you know? It's so big! Long and thick and I can't believe some of the amazing things you can do to me with it!"

Mr. Shue's eyes widened. On the outside Kurt was a very sight boy, short and very boyish looking. But his cock was _huge_! It stuck out proudly, twitching slightly as Blaine cast a small breath over the large purpling head.

"In fact," Blaine whispered directly over the head, "I love you cock so much I think I'm going to suck it till you can't remember you own name."

And with that he immediately engulfed Kurt's entire cock into his mouth.

Kurt wailed, bucking up into Blaine's mouth. The feeling was incredibly. They hadn't done this before but Kurt had to admit, being sucked off, while a vibrating dildo was constantly grinding into his prostate was easily one of the greatest things that had ever happened to him.

Mr. Shue was glued to his spot, his thoughts racing. _Apparently Blaine has no gag reflex. I wonder if Emma has one…_

Kurt's sudden ear splitting scream broke him out of his reverie. His was thrusting mercilessly into Blaine's mouth as he came, before falling back into his chair looking completely spent. Blaine very slowly turned the remote off, standing up only to straddle Kurt's lap.

"Think you can get it up again," Blaine whined, grinding his ass down onto Kurt's cock. "I want you to fuck me so hard I can't walk for a week!"

In hindsight, Mr. Shue should have taken that as his cue to leave…

"Mr. Shue still can't look at us without blushing, and the fact that he dropped his bag halfway through me fucking you was a total buzz kill."

Blaine just shrugged, thinking back fondly of that night. "At least we were able to finish before Mr. Shue wanted to talk to us. You really did make it so I couldn't walk for a week!" Blaine sighed happily. "Best reason ever for being bed ridden!"

"Don't look so happy about that now love," Kurt groaned. "We still need to get your junk off Mrs. Davis's window."

"Oh yeah…"

_**I don't think I will be able to post tomorrow morning due to a lack of time and college orientation. If I for some reason do manage to put it up, I miraculously found time. If I don't, expect an extra long one Sunday morning. That's what she said!**_

_**What the reviewers submitted for last chapters dirty joke request…**_

_**I can't do it. It's too hard! (That's what she said) **__**eb012203**___

_**oh and i love me some bananas ;D **__**KakiTenshi**_

_**And what id Racel saw a really small puppy and said , "It's so tiny!" and Klaine are just like, "That's what she said!" **__**kurtcoblaine290**_

_**I got one you missed that is my fave...my friend calls his a "mushroom headed yogurt sprayer"... **__**NaughtyNurseMoMo**_


	9. parent teacher conference

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: parent teacher conference

_**Reviews make me write more! They also fight heart disease and prevent teen pregnancies! **_

Mr. and Mrs. Anderson walked up through the doors of Dalton, marching over to the dean's office. The day had started out like any other, except they didn't expect to receive a call from the principal asking them to come in with regards to their son. Apparently, Blaine was in some sort of trouble.

This didn't really make any sense to the Andersons. Blaine was a perfect student, who had never been called in for anything. Sure he was a little odd compared to the other boys. He didn't have a girlfriend, and his interests were a little more…well…_feminine_…but Blaine was just a late bloomer, that was all.

So that didn't explain why he was in the dean's office, or why the dean sounded as angry as he did.

As they knocked on the door, it swung open immediately to reveal Blaine, who was sitting next to another boy. Blaine's Dalton uniform was disheveled, and the other boy, who was dressed to impress in black skinny jeans, knee high boots, and a deep red dress shirt and black vest looked equally so.

The dean sat behind the desk, staring at the two boys, a look of absolute fury on his face.

"Ah!" he exclaimed. "Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, I'm glad you made it."

Blaine snapped his head towards the door, a look of absolute horror in his eyes. "I thought you guys were on business in New York," he choked.

"We got back this morning," his mother said, looking between the two boys curiously. "Blaine have you been fighting, you're in a right state!"

"Yeah son," his dad said, staring daggers at Kurt, "This boy ruff you up?"

"No!" Blaine said, looking panicked. "No that's not it at all!"

Kurt glanced over at Blaine. "_Technically,_" Kurt sighed, "We were fighting for a little bit…"

"I'm dead," Blaine moaned, slamming his fist onto his forehead. "Dead dead dead dead dead!"

Kurt reached over to grab his hand. "Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself honey." He placed Blaine's hand in his lap patting it lovingly.

Blaine's mother's eyes widened. "Honey?"

Blaine just stared at his lap, looking like he would rather die that continue sitting there for another second.

Kurt frowned. "Wait…they don't know we're…"

Blaine shook his head. "No."

"And they don't know that you're…"

"Nope."

"Oh…"

Kurt then sat up. "Um, I really don't need to be here," he said glancing over at the dean. If Blaine's parents didn't know then he wasn't going to be the one who ratted Blaine out. Blaine deserved to tell his parents on his own time, his own way. "I mean I'm not even a student and-"

"You'll stay here until your parents get here," the dean hissed. "Student or not this is school property and what you two were doing deserves some sort of punishment."

Blaine was rocking back and forth muttering, "I'm dead…I'm so dead…"

Another knock came at the door before Burt and Carole walked in. They both took one look at the boys before Carole giggled and Burt rolled his eyes. "Let's get this over with," he mumbled.

"Well now that both your parents are here," the dean growled at the boys, "I can begin."

The dean turned to the Hummels and Andersons and grimaced. "Today I had the opportunity of walking past the Warbler's rehearsal room. However," he said, glaring at Kurt and Blain, "I had the rather unfortunate opportunity of hearing something other than music coming from that room. I ended up seeing something I would rather not have seen."

Burt glanced over at Kurt, eyebrows raised. "What is it with you kids and public places?" he whispered over at them.

Blaine blushed and buried his face in his hands. Kurt just shrugged.

The dean looked confused. "Anyways, I glanced inside the room and found these two," he shrieked, pointing at the boys, "Having sex on the piano!"

"But," Mr. Anderson said, obviously confused, "Blaine is a boy. That other kid, he's a boy."

He said this like it was the most obvious statement in the world. Mrs. Anderson however looked shocked, cause she knew what this meant.

"Wait," Burt said, glancing at the Andersons, then back to Blaine, "Blaine do your parents know your gay?"

Blaine, whose head was still buried in his hands, shook his head. Kurt patted his back, rubbing circles. "Breathe love," Kurt murmured. "Breathe."

Mr. Anderson wasn't sure what to do. He loved his son, but this was a bit of a shock. He had no idea, and judging the way his wife was staring at Blaine, she had no idea either.

Carole looked like she about to burst out laughing.

Burt sighed, exasperated, before turning to face the Andersons. "Ok, the abridged version. Your son is gay. My son is gay. They've been dating for six months. They go at it like crazy."

Carole suddenly burst, laughing hysterically. The dean stared at her like she was nuts, while Kurt just rolled his eyes.

"Yes Carole?" Kurt asked. "Do you want to add something to make this situation even more humiliating?"

Carole giggled, "So boys," she teased, "You two got tired of cars then?"

Blaine and Kurt groaned, shrinking into their chairs.

"Thanks Carole," Kurt sighed, "Make the situation more awkward why don't you."

"Look," Burt grumbled, turning to the dean, "I've accepted that my son and Blaine go at it like two rabbits in heat, and that's on a regular day, you don't even want to get me started on their…well…more _productive _days…hell, I'm not even sure there's a safe place to sit down in my own house. I am honestly just glad it wasn't me who walked in on them this time."

The dean gapped at Burt. "Wait, so you're not going to punish your son?"

Burt laughed. "Really? Watch this," he turned to Kurt. "Kurt, are you going to continue to have a sex life."

"Yup."

"Anything I can do to change that?"

"Nope."

"If I grounded you would you do it anyway?"

"The elaborate plan and escape blueprints are on my computer."

Burt waved his hands at the dean, leaning back in his chair. "Well, there you go. Nothing I can do. Besides, he's happier this way."

Carole glanced at the boys, smirking. "Car or piano?" she asked.

"Car," Kurt said like it was no big deal. "Leverage was better and it wasn't as noisy."

Blaine chanced a look at his parents, clearly terrified. "So…um…this is my boyfriend Kurt…" he said slowly.

Kurt waved at them, looking quite pleased with himself. "It's very nice to meet you both. Blaine has said so many good things about you."

"Um," Mr. Anderson started. "Thanks, I think. Funny, he hasn't mentioned you at all." He turned to stare at his son, waiting for an explanation.

Blaine sighed. "I didn't know how you would take me being…gay. I didn't know what to expect and I was…scared…I guess."

"Honey, we love you," Mrs. Anderson said. "I mean, I really would have preferred if you told us upfront instead of finding out like…well…" she trailed off, glancing over at the dead who was still staring at Carole in shock.

"So you have absolutely no problem with what your son did?" he hissed at the Hummel's.

Burt, wanting to mess with this guy who was clearly a bit homophobic, said, "While I give them points for creativity I'm sure they can find other places next time. Hell, I'll _buy_ you guys a piano if you want!" he shouted throwing his hands in the air. "Plus, Kurt is way less of a drama queen after he's got some."

Both Kurt and Carole burst out laughing at the expression on the dean's face and even Blaine smiled, looking relieved that he wasn't dead yet.

"So this is ok," Blaine asked his parents.

"Not my favorite thing," Mr. Anderson admitted. "But if he makes you happy then…well then we're happy." Mrs. Anderson nodded.

"He does make me happy," Blaine grinned. "I love him," he turned to Kurt. "I love you."

Carole squealed. "You two are so adorable."

"So," Burt grunted. "Are we done here?" he asked the dean.

The dean nodded, clearly still in shock.

Burt stood. "Well alright then. Kurt you need a lift?"

"Yeah dad," Kurt said. "See you later?" he asked Blaine.

Blaine nodded, still grinning like mad. "Definitely."

"You going to be ok," Burt asked Blaine, glancing over at his parents. "You need anything and all you have to do is call you know."

"Thanks Burt," Blaine said, "But I think things are going to be good."

"See you around then Blaine," Burt said.

Kurt kissed Blaine quickly on the lips, leaving a slightly dazed Blaine behind. "Love you! See you tomorrow!"

As Kurt and Carole and Burt headed out into the parking lot Kurt turned to his dad. "So…about that piano…?"

"We'll see."

_**Mental note. One of the upcoming chapters will be a sex ed chapter. Send me ideas because this is one chapter that's going to be a lot of fun!**_


	10. dinner with the andersons

_Going to apologize right now for not updating in awhile. So…SORRY! I've been busy with school and being in and out of the hospital and I think everyone will agree with me when I say that college is a really pain in the ass. It's two in the morning, I have a midterm tomorrow, I haven't slept in three days, so for gods sake TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN!_

_So without further ado, please enjoy the lovely awkwardness that is Blaine and Kurt._

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: dinner at the Anderson's (because Burt couldn't get the damn piano by now!). _OR, _Kurt Hummel is just a ball of sexy man awesome.

_**Reviews make me write more! They also feed third world countries, deliver scholarships, and make Kurt and Blaine have more sex!**_

Mr. and Mrs. Anderson slowly set the table, glancing at each other every few seconds, neither knowing what to talk about. And after that last parent teacher conference, who could blame them?

"Gay." Mr. Anderson finally said. "Our son…he's, um, well, gay."

Mrs. Anderson just sighed and glanced over at her husband. "Yes Frank he's gay. We know that. You keep saying it like you don't quite comprehend what that means!"

In a way, he didn't. It wasn't like he was extremely educated on what gay guys did together.

"So," he said slowly, "What do they…um…do?"

Mrs. Anderson just stared at her husband, pleading him with her eyes not to make her answer that. "Take that up with your son. Or his…boyfriend…I guess. Kurt will be here in a few minutes for dinner anyway."

"WHAT!" Mr. Anderson jumped. "He's coming. Now? But- But I- I don't…" he trailed off looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Blaine loves him," Mrs. Anderson said. "And we need to make an effort. I know it's a little uncomfortable…"

"Uncomfortable," Mr. Anderson gasped. "Uncomfortable. I mean, we're not homophobes or anything but the idea is still a little…"

"Uncomfortable?" Blaine offered.

Both adults spun around to see their son leaning against the door frame looking slightly put out.

Mr. Anderson just shrugged. "You have to admit kid, it was a little…"

"Sudden," Mrs. Anderson interjected. "I think it was just a bit of a surprise. I mean, you never even gave the impression you were gay."

Blaine rolled his eyes, glancing down at what he was wearing. "Seriously?"

"Well," Mr. Anderson said nervously, "We just thought you were well dressed."

Blaine rolled his eyes again, pulling out his phone. "Whatever. Kurt will be here in five and I expect both of you to be on your best behavior. I plan on marrying that boy and I don't want his first impression of you guys to be what he saw at the dean's office."

And with that he marched off to wait for Kurt.

Mr. Anderson just groaned, glancing at his wife. "Marry?"

"Shush," Mrs. Anderson stated, adjusting the silverware. "We know he's gay. It only makes sense that he would marry a boy."

"I don't think I can do this," Mr. Anderson grumbled, staring at his hands.

"Well that is just too bad," Mrs. Anderson sighed as she heard her son let out an excited squeal. "Because I think Kurt is here."

"Let's get this over with," Mr. Anderson sighed, following his wife into the other room.

Thinks could have started off worse, but they definitely could have started off better. Mr. Anderson could have come in, and simply have seen a well dressed boy talking casually with his boyfriend. But he didn't. Because what he saw would momentarily scar him for life.

Kurt had to be wearing jeans that were considered too tight for comfort, along with some heeled boots that did not look like they were made for his gender at all. It didn't help matters that Blaine was pushed up against him, gripping his ass like it was a life line, and repeatedly shoving his tongue down the other boy's throat.

Yeah. Things could have definitely gone better.

"Ahem," Mr. Anderson grunted.

The two boys let go of each other, Blaine smiling bashfully while Kurt just fingered one of Blaine's curls before tucking it back into place. "Sorry," Kurt said lightly, turning to face the adults. "Haven't seen each other in a little while."

Mrs. Anderson raised her eyebrows. "Didn't you just see each other a few hours ago?"

Blaine looked at her like she had two heads. "That's a long time!"

"Of course it is," Mr. Anderson sighed.

Kurt stepped forward, holding out his hand, a confident grin in place. "It is very nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. I'm Kurt Hummel."

Mr. Anderson shook his hand, surprised by the firm, confident shake. "Uh yeah. Nice to meet you too."

An awkward silence passed. It was more awkward due to the fact that Blaine was staring shamelessly at Kurt's ass.

"Well," Mrs. Anderson said, clapping her hands together, "Let's serve dinner then shall we?"

As they all went into the dinning room, Mr. Anderson couldn't help but noticed how Blaine's eyes were glued to Kurt's ass.

It was going to be a long night.

As they were eating dinner Kurt turned to Mrs. Anderson. "Is this French? It's absolutely wonderful."

Mrs. Anderson blushed, looking delighted. "I'm surprised you noticed. Are you familiar with French culture?"

Kurt just smiled before prattling off in a perfect accent, "Le français est de loin mon langage préféré, et je sais combien il aime Blaine."

Blaine just stared at his boyfriend, mouth hanging open, a slight bit of drool falling out of his mouth, his eyes glazed over. Mr. Anderson wanted to bury his head into the stupid French dish and die.

"You speak French?" Mrs. Anderson questioned, delighted.

Kurt nodded, reaching over to close Blaine's mouth with a single manicured finger. "Quite fluently. It was my favorite language in school. Eat you food Blaine," he added, glancing fondly over his still star struck boyfriend.

"Yeah Blaine," Mr. Anderson said gruffly. "Eat. Please."

Blaine went back to his food, blushing.

"So," Mr. Anderson began hesitantly. "You got a job kid?"

"Yes, I work with my father at Hummel's Tires and Lube."

If anyone noticed how Blaine let out a tiny gasp at the word 'lube' no one said anything. Who am I kidding? Everyone noticed! Ha!

"You work with cars?" Mr. Anderson said in disbelief. "Really?"

"Frank, that's rude," Mrs. Anderson chastised.

Kurt just chuckled. "No it's alright. Trust me I get that response so many times it's comical by now. Just ask Blaine! He was so shocked I thought I broke him."

Blaine smiled back at him. "Could you blame me? You, Mr. spotlessly clean designer clothes perfectly style hair were wearing an old T-Shirt covered in grease and dirt. I think you short circuited my brain."

"Oh love, I know I did," Kurt flirted shamelessly.

Mrs. Anderson smiled to herself, happy her son seemed so happy with this boy. It was easy to see why he liked him. He was just so…charming.

"Any extra circulars you do Kurt?" Mrs. Anderson asked, seeing as her husband was still looking anywhere but at the love struck expression on the two boys.

"Mainly Glee," Kurt said. "It's how I met Blaine. But I did cheerleading and football for a while though too and they were fun."

"Football?" Mr. Anderson coughed. "But you're tiny!"

Mrs. Anderson gasped, Kurt laughed, and Blaine just hid a smirk, thinking about how very not tiny Kurt was in certain, very wonderful areas.

Great. Now he had a boner. At the dinner table. With his parents!

"I was the kicker," Kurt explained.

"Oh," Mr. Anderson said awkwardly, not sure how to hide his earlier outburst. "Well that's…impressive."

"Thank you," Kurt smiled.

More awkward silence.

Blaine was losing it. All her could think of was how Kurt kept wrapping his lips around his food like he was a born porn star or something. It didn't help that he was wearing heels. Blaine loved it when Kurt wore heals. His mind slowly began to stray…

_It had been two weeks ago at McKinley. Kurt just walked in one day wearing those incredible knee high boots with those incredibly spiky heels, strutting around like he own the place. They had made his legs go on or miles and that ass…god Blaine needed to bury himself in that ass before he exploded in the hallway…_

"Blaine?" Mr. Anderson called.

"I'm not thinking about sex!" Blaine yelled, blushing from head to foot before burying his face in his hands. Kurt just smacked his forehead, rubbing Blaine's back gently with his other hand. Mrs. Anderson seemed halfway between laughing her ass off and scolding her son, and Mr. Anderson just pushed his plate away. He wasn't even remotely hungry anymore. 

Blaine's phone suddenly went off.

_Finally, _Mr. Anderson sighed internally, _something somewhat normal. _

"Blaine," Mr. Anderson said. "You know the rules. No phones at the table. Hand it over."

Blaine didn't even raise his head from his mortifying position buried in his arms. He just set it on the table, Kurt still rubbing his back while he hid his smirk.

Mr. Anderson pocketed Blaine's phone, but it started ringing again. And again. And again. And who the hell wanted to talk to Blaine this badly?

Mr. Anderson glanced at the caller ID. "Whose Santana?"

Blaine's head shot up looking panicked. "No dad don't!"

But Mr. Anderson already flipped the phone open. "Hello?"

"This is so not Blaine Bottom Anderson," a voice said tiredly.

"Blaine Bottom Anderson," Mr. Anderson repeated confused. "What?"

"Oh God," Blaine moaned. "No No No No!"

Even Kurt looked pained. "You'll have to forgive whatever scaring Santana does to your mind. She's an evil little girl when it comes down to it."

"Blaine Bottom Anderson," Santana explained drolly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It means Blaine loves getting his ass fucked by Kurt Hummel. Hence, he's on the bottom. Though I suppose Blaine Screaming Bottom Anderson makes more sense since that's all the boy seems to do. It's good screaming, don't get me wrong. I just never thought Hummel was that good at fucking."

Mr. Anderson choked. "That is my son you are talking about!"

"Oh!" Santana's tone perked up immediately. "You're Blaine's dad!"

"Yes! This is Blaine's father!"

"Well then," Santana smirked, "You should know that your son is one kinky little bitch when it comes to Kurt. He wears collars, calls him master, and did you know that he absolutely loves being spanked? Don't ask me how I know this because if you're even within the same household as those two I guarantee you will hear them. Blaine is such a begging slut for Hummel's cock and I don't blame him. Have you even seen that thing? He's like a god with a monster cock! And don't even get me started on what Blaine wears for Kurt-"

Mr. Anderson threw the phone across the room like it was a demonic device from hell, his face beat red. The phone smashed on the ground, pieces everywhere.

Kurt just stared at the sad little phone, shaking his head. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to literally murder that girl."

"Frank, "Mrs. Anderson said softly. "You ok?"

Mr. Anderson just shook his head, glancing at his son who was currently banging his head on the table. Very slowly he met his eyes, looking horrified.

"Well," Kurt offered half heartedly, patting Blaine fondly on the head. "Things could have gone worse for a first dinner?"

"Nope," Blaine and his dad said at the same time. "Definitely not."

Suddenly Mr. Anderson's phone started ringing. Without even bother to check the ID he picked up, desperate for a distraction.

"Hello?"

Santana's voice rang out so loudly on the other line, even Kurt and Blaine could hear her. "BLAINE WEARS SKIRTS AND LETS KURT FUCK HIM OVER SCHOOL DESKS WHILE CALLING HIM PROFESSOR!"

Mr. Anderson threw his phone, watching it shatter into pieces right next to his sons.

"Well," Mrs. Anderson said slowly, not sure whether to laugh or not. "I'll just call our phone company and order some new ones then."

She left the room, leaving a traumatized Mr. Anderson, a horrified Blaine, and one murderous Kurt Hummel who was going to destroy Santana come Monday morning.

Mr. Anderson mumbled something, causing Blaine to glance up worriedly. "Huh?"

Mr. Anderson, looking as though he was going to regret what happened next stared at his son skeptically. "Skirts?"

Blaine slammed his head into the table while Kurt just rubbed his back. "Breath baby, just breath."


	11. what santana saw

The Awkward Encounters of New Directions and Blaine

_Ratings will go up as new one shots are added._

A series of one shots: what Santana saw

Just a quick little one shot cause someone wondered how Santana knew what she knew…

_**Reviews make me write more! They also stay crunchy in milk! **_

Santana normally ate lunch with Brit, so naturally the possibility of running into her two dolphins during this time period never really came up. At least, that was the case until yesterday when Brit had been home with the flu.

She had been wandering the hallways looking for Mercedes when she heard the one sound she knew she would never be able to get out of her head.

The sound of Blaine's moaning.

Peering around the corner, her mouth practically fell to the floor.

Kurt had Blaine up on the desk, and was pounding into him like his life depended on it. Blaine was flushed against the desk, his legs spread wide, wearing nothing but a skimpy little skirt bunched around his waist, wailing at the top of his lungs.

"Yes! I've been so bad professor! So bad! Punish me punish me punish me!"

Kurt continued to pound into him, forcing the desk to skid every thrust until it was backed against the wall.

"OH!" Kurt groaned. "You've been such a naughty boy Blaine, such a naughty naught naughty boy!" he yelled, grinding harder each time he said 'naughty.'

Blaine's eyes rolled up into the back of his head, his large cock bouncing against his stomach, dripping pre-come everywhere.

"Damn," Santana mumbled. "Blaine's packing. So why is he bottoming?"

Suddenly, Kurt pulled out, and Santana knew why Blaine would be begging for that. It was a monstrosity, long and thick and perfect, throbbing angrily.

"Maybe you can earn a little extra credit in my class Blaine," Kurt whispered, and Santana noticed for the first time that Kurt was wearing glasses, and a tie. He really did look like a sexy professor. A sexy debauched professor.

"Anything," Blaine moaned, grinding up against the air, desperate for release. "I'll do anything you want professor. Anything!"

"Hmm," Kurt ran his fingers lightly over Blain's cock, causing it to twitch and Blaine to moan. "Well, I do have to admit that I have been admiring that mouth of yours for a long time now Blaine. How about you put it to good use?"

Blaine nodded, moving to get on the floor.

"No," Kurt said. "Lay down on the desk, on your back, and hang that pretty head of yours over the edge. I want to fuck your mouth!"

Blaine looked like he was about to come just by those words alone, and Santana didn't blame him. She knew what fantasy she was using when she went to bed tonight!

Blaine scrambled to get into position, tilting his head back and opening his mouth greedily. Kurt just chuckled, tracing the edge of Blaine's mouth. "Hungry little cock slut, aren't you Blaine?"

"Yes professor," Blaine moaned. "I'm a cock slut, your little cock slut. Just for your cock! I want it so bad!"

"Then take it," Kurt moaned, thrusting into Blaine's awaiting mouth.

Blaine moaned around Kurt's cock, sucking greedily, running his tongue over the head. Kurt's head fell back. "Fuck! Blaine," he moaned. "God you are such a cock slut! Suck me harder! Yes! Just like that! Oh baby yes!"

Santana just stared, watching as Kurt fucked Blaine's mouth. How come it never felt this hot when she was doing these things?

Kurt pulled out, leaning down to kiss Blaine roughly on his mouth. "You know, I still haven't properly punished you from being such a naughty little boy," he murmured against Blain's lips.

Blaine just whimpered, his eyes pleading.

Kurt smirked. "Do you know what happens to naughty little boys?"

Blaine nodded wildly, his eyes bright with excitement.

Kurt grinned. "They get _spanked_!"

Santana's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. No. Way.

"Yes!" Blaine shouted. He stumbled to get off the table, turning around to lay his front half on it while pushing his ass out, the skirt barely covering his cheeks.

Kurt pulled a ruler from his pocket, running the cool edges under Blaine's ass cheeks, making him shiver in anticipation. He flipped the skirt up, his eyes glazing over at Blaine's gaping hole, pulsing for his cock.

"And," Kurt murmured, running the smooth wood over Blaine's ass, "How many do you think you deserve today my pet? How bad have you been?"

"So bad!" Blaine gasped, his hips grinding against air again, his voice needy and wanton. "I've been such a bad bad boy! Such a dirty slutty boy! Spank me! Spank me so hard!"

"That's what I love to hear!" Kurt growled out, bringing the ruler down to slap against Blaine's skin.

"Yes!" Blaine wailed. "More master more!"

"Dear lord!" Santana scream whispered, watch Kurt bring the ruler down again and again, Blaine crying out happily each time. "Oh my God they are so hot!"

Finally, Kurt set the ruler down, running his hands over Blaine's red skin. Blaine twitched under the contact, his tiny wanting groans and whimpers driving Kurt mad.

"Hush pet," Kurt purred. "I know what you love. You've been such a good pet taking your punishment. Now you get your reward!"

Kurt ran his tongue along Blain's ass crack, causing Blaine to wail pleasurably. "Oh please!" Blaine begged. "Please! Professor! Master! Kurt!"

"Right here baby," Kurt said, before shoving his tongue to attack Blaine's hole.

"AAAHHHHH!" Blaine cried. "Oh yes! Faster faster faster faster!"

Kurt began moaning against Blaine's hole, Blaine practically grinding down on his face. The noises coming from them were obscene, and Santana was loving it.

"Fuck me!" Blaine cried. "Fuck me Kurt I'm so close!"

"Yes!" Kurt stood up shoving into Blaine in one hard thrust. They both screamed, Kurt flying in and out of Blaine so fast Santana hardly believed what could possibly be making those boys so horny in the first place.

"I'm goanna…" Blaine groaned, "Goanna…yes….YES…..OH MY GOD KURT YES YES YES YES YES!"

He spilled out all over the desk, his come dripping everywhere. Kurt followed right after. "FUCK YES BLAINE!"

They collapsed, spent against the desk. Kurt slowly slipped out of Blaine, Blaine whimpering at the loss. Kurt ran his hand gently up and down Blaine's sides, kissing the back of his neck sweetly. "Love you," he whispered, holding Blaine to his chest tightly.

"Love you too," Blaine murmured, turning around to kiss Kurt passionately. "So so much!"

Santana couldn't help but smile. They were dirty, kinky, and downright illegal, but they were just about the sweetest damn couple she could possibly imagine.

"I guess this is what happens when I wear heels," Kurt giggled, running his hands through Blaine's hair.

"I couldn't help it," Blaine sighed, "Your legs just went on forever! God I am buying you heels for every day of the week, every hour of the day…"

"Heels!" Santana shouted, causing the two boys to freak out and fall behind the desk. "This is the result of Hummel wearing some fancy footwear? You two were going at it like porn stars on Viagra!"

"Santana!" Kurt screamed. "How long have you been there!"

"Enough to know that Mr. Shue is going to want to burn his desk with just about every illegal chemical known to mankind!"

"What am I going to want to do to my desk?" Mr. Shue asked, walking up behind Santana. His eyes widened when he saw Kurt glancing up over the desk, Blaine struggling to pull his pants up over his skirt.

"Oh."

_**Thanks for reading! Feel free to toss some suggestions my way in the reviews! I love hearing from you guys!**_


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